Clear and Muddy Loss of Love

Chapter 244

If life is just like first seeing

My name is: Qiyan Agula, I am the first child of King Suhebaru of the Plow Division of Beijing State, and my mother is from Wei State.My father was taken in by the grandfather's family of the wandering Prince Xing, so he met my mother.On the eve of his marriage with his mother, his father Khan was found by grassland warriors. He took over the precarious Zhili tribe from his dying grandfather and led the warriors of the support tribe to sweep out the sky. Before his death, his grandfather entrusted the important affairs of the family to six The joint assistance of the two patriarchs also caused my father Khan to be restrained everywhere after he inherited the Khan position. Even registering a pregnant mother as Kedun had many difficulties. If a prince can be born, they will no longer object.

The village where the mother lives is closed, and the father left suddenly on the eve of their marriage, causing the two old people to suffer from rumors and gossip, and died of depression.

A few years later, Father Khan followed the agreement to welcome my mother back. They were a couple in distress. Naturally, Father Khan could not have wronged my mother. So on the day I was born, Father Khan announced my status as a prince and stabbed me on my chest. The wolf king totem can only be owned by a royal man...

As long as I can remember, I always felt that my mother looked at me with an emotion that I couldn't understand, and the mother's whisper that I heard most was: "This baby must be a son..."

When I was young and ignorant, I only wanted my mother to be happy, and I also looked forward to the arrival of my younger brother. It was not until many years later that I looked back, and I realized... There was love and guilt in my mother's eyes, and what she was looking forward to was not just a The real son, but can restore me to the status of a daughter's family as soon as possible.

……

Qi Yan's voice was very soft, speaking the very standard official Wei dialect, and calmly narrated the saddest events of the past with a pearly voice.

She thought that she would never have the opportunity to talk about the past with others in detail in this life. These past events gradually rotted in her heart over time, they could not heal, they would not disappear, and they would bleed when touched.

But today, Qi Yan sat across from the enemy's daughter, opened up these wounds without reservation, and found unprecedented relief from the dull pain in his heart.

Nangong Jingnv's tears stopped, and there were still two wet tears on her cheeks. Her eyes were a little loose, and the focus of her pupils didn't know where to stop. Except for the ups and downs of breathing, there was no movement, and she was as stiff as a statue. statue.

Qi Yan exhaled the turbid air in his chest, and continued: "When I was three years old, the second child of the Chengli royal family was born in the much-anticipated way. Although it didn't happen as my mother wished, my joy lasted until eighty years old. When I was a child, every time before I went out to play with Anda and other children of the same age, my mother would pull me aside and tell me: 'Don't take off your clothes, don't have physical contact with boys, don't go to the river to take a bath, and don't let me take a bath. You are not allowed to urinate outside the king's tent...' So although I have an Anda who is more like a brother, I am not happy in my heart. The boys of the same clan don't like me either, and my alienation makes them feel that I am a prince. For this reason, Anda accompanied me and suffered a lot of grievances. The birth of my younger sister made all this different. I looked at her little sister who was like a small pink dumpling. She was like a gift from the gods... I swear, I will protect it for the rest of my life. She. Just as I thought, the first person my sister would call was 'Brother'. Since she was able to walk, she stuck behind me all day long. The children sent their horses back to the camp, and the first person to greet me was also my younger sister. When I was eight years old, I had a conflict with a boy seven years older than me in the home of a regent elder because of the ownership of a wolf. Anda and I were killed by them. Beating on the ground, other boys were watching, only my five-year-old sister picked up a stone and smashed the boy's head..."

Qi Yan's expression was melancholy but soft, and she whispered: "Obviously I should protect my sister..."

Qi Yan: "When I was eight years old, my father Khan was already recognized as the King Khan by all the tribes in the grassland. The Tuba tribe, the former rival of the Supporting Li tribe, was driven to the banks of the Luochuan River by my father Khan. A few months later, the grassland once a year At the grand ceremony, Nagus Erihe, king of the Tuba tribe, brought Princess Jiya, the pearl of the grassland, to the Zhuli tribe. In order to ease the relationship between the two tribes, Erihe begged his father Khan to marry the Tuba tribe. In the grassland All Khan kings except Father Khan look down on Southerners. Although I am half of Nanwei blood, I still have a bit of prestige on the grassland because I can communicate with horses. E Rihe hopes that her youngest My daughter stayed in the plow department as a hostage, and she married me when she was 13 years old. Just because I was a girl... Father Khan rejected E Rihe's request, and the warriors of the two clans almost fought on the spot. Later, during the years when I was in exile , the warrior uncle who escorted me told me: Father Khan publicly rejected Tuba Khan’s offer of a daughter for peace, which was tantamount to declaring war. E Rihe knew that Tuba was not the opponent of Support Li, so he colluded with Wei State. In winter... the plow support is dead."

Qi Yan supported the tabletop, pressed his temples with both palms, inserted his fingers into his meticulously combed hair, and said painfully: "If I were a real prince... E Rihe would not have brought the southern soldiers into the country, and he would have supported the plow Ministry, Weike Ministry... the entire grassland will not perish! I failed to persuade Anda to return, let alone keep my sister, our team was dispersed, and we wandered in the grassland for more than half a year under the escort of a dozen people. Then... I met Ding Yi! The warriors were tired, and so were the horses... I knew we couldn't escape. I let the warrior take his sister to flee north, and the rest of us fled south, Ding Yi led the army and chased me to the bank of Luochuan River. It was the flood season in Luochuan, and the river was turbulent. All the warriors who escorted me died in battle. I was carried to the shore and died of exhaustion. I was also on the verge of death because of the intrusion of a large amount of river water. Fortunately, I was rescued by an expert. I was raised in an unnamed valley for more than half a year before saving my life. This expert... She is the direct elder sister of Emperor Shang of the previous dynasty. She accepted me as a closed disciple, taught me reading and calligraphy, chess and music theory, medical strategies... She wears a black robe and a black iron mask all day long. I have seen her true face. Every thunderstorm night, she will go crazy and torture me, forcing me to review the past in the grassland over and over again, and make me shout out the tragic death of my parents, sister, and An Da. At that time, I I am willing to do anything for revenge, even if it causes nightmares, even if I drink the strange poison she developed for me... As long as I can get revenge, I am willing to do anything, even if it is to torture me to death!"

Nangong Jingnv's eyes regained a little focus, and she looked at Qi Yan expressionlessly, tears streaming down her face again.

Qi Yan's heart seemed to have been pierced by needles, apart from the occasional tears, Nangong Jingnv was terribly calm.

Qi Yan's lips trembled, she didn't know whether she should continue speaking, how cruel is the truth?The relief of my conscience was obtained by transferring the pain to Nangong Jingnv!

Why bother?To stop with one sentence: I am the princess of the Plow Department from the revenge of the Wei Kingdom, isn't it enough?

Deceiving the emperor, plotting treason, killing the emperor, mutilating the emperor's heir, framing courtiers, driving up market prices, shorting taxes... Which one is not a capital crime?

Qi Yan hesitated for a moment, thinking that he should at least finish what had to be said.

At the moment when she decided to confess, her life was handed over to Nangong Jingnv, but her plan to uncover the masked man failed. If Nangong Jingnv could use this to understand the horror of the masked man, it would be the last for her. Do something more.

Having figured this out, Qi Yan shook his head, and continued: "In the fourth year of Jingjia, the princess of the previous dynasty found a new identity for me. I took the alias Jinzhou Qiyan and went to Yunzhou Official School to take the children's examination. Every year, the princess will give me a new identity. I have a dossier, which contains detailed information from the top to the middle school to the long history. There are also records of several princes and concubines in the court. There is even an analysis of personality. I have long been familiar with this information. Although I have not stepped out of the Unknown Valley, I know most of the affairs of the court. So I got to know Gongyanghuai. I found out the details of his identity. I pretended to be friends with him because I took a fancy to the status of his Shiqing family. Zongzheng Temple was in charge of the important affairs of the royal family. The information given to me by the Princess Chao is based on the thoughts of the chief examiner of the Qiuwei Township Examination and the Chunwei Palace Examination. She wrote the essays according to her preferences and won the first prize in the second examination along the way. The Princess of the former Dynasty knew the emperor very well, and she concluded that one of the top three in the palace examination must come from a poor family , I practiced calligraphy so hard that the first emperor could take another look at my papers. The princess of the former court also said: I must do my best to avoid being named Tanhua. According to the inner court's convention: Tanhua or being recruited by the courtiers as a son-in-law, no matter how difficult it is to get ahead. It's a pity ...God failed, even though I tried my best to make a fool of myself while parading in the street, I still couldn't escape the end of being accused of marriage..."

Qi Yan's throat choked up, and it was difficult to make a sound.

Do you really not want this ending?The answer is obviously no, Qi Yan is afraid that if she continues speaking, she will say something against her will, but as a woman, how can she have the face to tell Nangong Jingnv: getting Qing to marry is the best thing for me to come to Wei country.

Are these enough?

Should the remaining sins be confessed to themselves?

Want to say?

Qi Yan is not afraid of death, but he is afraid that he will die, but he will leave Nangong Jingnu with endless nightmares...

But he lied to her for so long, shouldn't he tell her everything?

Well, if she asked, she would answer truthfully.

……

It is not intentional to conceal, these are already capital crimes.

And...Qi Yan still has a little selfishness in her heart, she doesn't want to kill the last possibility between her and Nangong Jingnv, even if she does...it's despicable and shameless.

Qi Yan sighed and remained silent for a long time: "Is there anything else you want to ask, Your Majesty?" Qi Yan forcefully forced back tears, ready to accept the final judgment.

Nangong Jingnv's eyes gradually returned to focus. She looked at Qi Yan, weeping, trying to move the corners of her mouth as if trying to smile, but her expression was a little stiff.

After several failed attempts, Nangong Jingnv begged with a trembling voice, "Stop making trouble, okay? I...don't ask you about feeding me medicine, can you...don't be angry and make up stories ?”

Qi Yan's tears burst into tears. She had deduced it in her mind many times that day, and even imagined that Nangong Jingnv would kill herself on the spot, but she never expected it to be so.

In the 19 years since the collapse of Beijing, Qi Yan felt remorse for revenge for the first time.

It wasn't until this moment that Qi Yan realized that he underestimated this love and misunderstood Nangong Jingnv.

Qi Yan thought that there was no real relationship between them as husband and wife after all, maybe... Nangong Jingnv still had a way out.

Qi Yan originally thought that after going through so many Nangong Jingnv, she would be able to take charge of her own affairs and gradually become a "thin and heartless" emperor.

However, I was wrong, wrong outrageously.

Qi Yan, who has considered herself steadfast all these years, is thinking in her heart at this moment, if, without... how good it would be....

Qi Yan clenched her fists tightly and bit her cheeks to prevent herself from crying. Nangong Jingnv's eyes darkened and she lost consciousness.

Qi Yan: "Your Majesty!"

Nangong Jingnv's face was bloodless, her eyes were tightly closed but tears were overflowing from the corners of her eyes, her brows were deeply furrowed, her lips were pursed into a line, Qi Yan hugged her in his arms, unable to wake her up no matter what.

……

Nangong Jingnv had a long dream, in which she returned to Jingjia for seven years, when she was only 13 years old.

The second sister went to the poetry club in disguise again. She was obviously out of the palace to accompany me, but she always ran out with "excuses".

Nangong Jingnu thought angrily: This time, play tricks on Second Sister...

I came to the back door where the second sister usually returns to the house, and waited for the rabbit!

After the second sister came in, I patted my back suddenly, and a folding fan fell out from the sleeve of the second sister. I picked up the fan first and shook it open. The ink color dazzled...

Favored by my father, my palace is never short of rare treasures. I have seen many masterpieces of calligraphy and painting by famous artists, but I am still amazed by the unique style of calligraphy on the fan.

So I couldn't help but read: "It's raining in the willows and willows, spring is in the dark. Lou'er is so small that he doesn't hide his sorrow. He and Yunfei went to find the return boat several times. The sky is pity for the guest's hometown Guan Yuan, borrowing flowers to send Sorrow. Begonia red is close to the green rails, and the vermilion curtains are only rolled up, but the wind is cold at night."

It's a pity that I don't read too much on weekdays, so I can't appreciate the artistic conception in this small order, but I can outline a melancholy and deep youth in my mind, which must be very good.

But can't imagine what kind of eyes the other party has?To be able to match such a good handwriting.

I didn't miss the soft shame in the second sister's eyes, and made fun of the second sister for a while.

Later, I often recited this little decree in front of my second sister. Finally, after a few days, my second sister couldn't stand the torture and agreed to take me out for a walk.

That day... I was very happy. This was my first time visiting the people. It turns out that the lives of the people are so colorful and interesting.

It's almost time, the second sister suggested to go to the study and then go back.

When I came to the door of the study, I saw a young man dressed as a scholar rushing out, knocking down the second sister and wanting to leave without even saying an apology.

It's the first time I've seen such a courageous person when I grow up so big, who wants to abscond in fear of crime after offending the royal relatives?

snort!

I grabbed the scholar's cuff and said angrily, "Why are you so rude? Why didn't my second brother help me when I bumped into Ben?"

After being fierce, I felt a little guilty: I didn't bring guards this time, so I don't know if I can beat this person in front of me?

He turned and I saw his face.

Most of the fear and uneasiness in my heart disappeared inexplicably. Perhaps this person's outline is not as tough as that of an adult man, or he has a scholarly and weak air about him, which seems to be easy to handle...

I suddenly remembered my father's teachings in the past, and the princess's aura was full, and she glared at him.

Why doesn't the scholar seem to be afraid?There was a trace of surprise in his eyes, his eyes were searching but calm and clear.

"Hey..." Although the voice was very soft, I still heard it!

Nangong Jingnu: "Do you know how big a crime it is to offend the emperor's relatives?! How dare you put on an appearance of "delaying my good deeds"?

The more I thought about it, the more irritable I became, and when I lifted my leg, I just kicked it. I saw the scholar's deflated appearance, and my heart was very happy!

The next moment, he read a trace of...dislike from the scholar's eyes?

Wow, this princess is the proud daughter of the heavens, how dare you, a commoner...

Nangong Shunv: "Jing'er, come and help me."

Hearing what the second sister said, the scholar also followed, and extended his hand to the second sister: "I'm sorry, how did you get hurt, sir?"

I patted his hand away without hesitation, how can you touch the daughter of the heavenly family?

Nangong Jingnu: "Get your dirty hands off!"

Nangong Shunv: "Jing'er, don't be rude."

Nangong Jingnu: "Second Brother, I'll help you."

Nangong Jingnu: "Second Brother! Your hands are bleeding!"

"I bumped into the young master in a hurry, I wonder if I want to go to the medical hall to have a look?"

Nangong Shunv: "It's okay, I can take care of this little injury when I return home."

"In that case, leave it alone."

I watched the scholar run away like oil on his feet, and said angrily, "Second...Second brother! You just let him go like this?"

Nangong Shunv: "It's not intentional, maybe it's something urgent."

Not intentional?can you……?

Nangong Shunv: "The man with the accent is not from the capital city. Looking at his plain clothes and carrying a suitcase, he is likely to be a scholar who came to Beijing to rush for the exam. The medical clinics in the capital cost a lot of money, so why should we embarrass him?"

After listening to the second sister's words, I thought about it carefully: the clothes of that person were indeed different from those I had seen before, and the touch was extremely rough.

Nangong Jingnv: "Is this what my father said about 'civil suffering'?"

Nangong Shunv: "Jing'er is so smart."

After receiving the second sister's compliment, my mood improved a lot, and I turned my head to look at the direction where the scholar left, but he was nowhere to be seen, forget it... Those who don't know are innocent, let him be spared this time!

In the future, I should never see you again!I thought generously.

Although there was a little episode during this trip, the capital city is really fun~.

"Second brother, can you take me out to see more in the future?"

Nangong Shunv: "Okay."

But I never thought that the scholar and I would meet again soon, although I didn't recognize him immediately that time...

Later...he became my son-in-law.

……

I was married to you at the age of 14, and I have been married for nine years. You doted on me, indulged me, and accompanied me through the most difficult and dark years. You sacrificed your life to save me, and even faced the imperial court alone in a critical moment. Rebels, turn the tide.

If it weren't for your insight into the opportunity, how could I sit on the position of empress?

You know, even though the dust has settled, every time I think about it, my heart palpitates?

Do you know: I am willing to die with you, I want to give you the best in this world, and when I am 40 years old, I will unload the weight of the mountains and rivers, and enjoy the mountains and rivers with you...

However, you said to me: Everything is just a mirror image, "Jun" is not a gentleman, and even the name is fake.

how can that be possible?We...how could we be sworn enemies?

You obviously... treat me sincerely.

Qi Yan... how could you?

……

Nangong Jingnv was not in a coma for too long, and Wang Yuyi's silver needle woke her up.

Seeing His Majesty staring at the "Husband" obsessively, everyone retreated wisely.Qi Yan's eyes were red, and she sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Nangong Jingnv.

Nangong Jingnv twitched the corners of her mouth: "I just... had a dream."

Qi Yan stopped talking and said softly: "Your Majesty..."

Nangong Jingnu: "Are you tired? Go back first, you go back first..."

Qi Yan: "Your Majesty..."

Nangong Jingnv's tone became more and more urgent: "Go back, I want you to go back to Chengchao Palace!"

Qi Yan stood up: "Yes."

After Qi Yan left, Nangong Jingnu lay motionless on the bed, she didn't want to think about anything, as if as long as she didn't think about it, she just lay here motionless, everything that happened just now was just her dream.

After an unknown amount of time, Gong Yanghuai came to report in person: "Many courtiers are already waiting outside the court hall, begging to see His Majesty."

Nangong Jingnv just got up and called out "Qiu Ju", but a new face walked in and saluted Nangong Jingnv timidly: "Slaves, Fan Xing."

Nangong Jingnv originally wanted to ask: Where is Qiu Ju?When the words came to his lips, his heart also twitched, and tears flowed out again.

Fan Xing knelt on the ground and said in fear: "This servant deserves to die."

Nangong Jingnv wiped her tears with her hand, and said lightly, "It's okay, but I've slept for a long time, and my eyes are a little dry."

Fan Xing: "Yes, thank you, Your Majesty."

Except for Qi Yan, Nangong Jingnv would not reveal her fragility in front of anyone, even if her heart was so painful that she couldn't breathe, there was no clue except for that momentary gaffe.

Nangong Jingnu: "Take a bath and change clothes."

Fanxing: "Yes."

Nangong Jingnv came to the court hall by car, and the civil and military officials of the Manchu Dynasty were already kneeling there waiting.

Nangong Jingnu: "Your family is free from courtesy."

Everyone: "Thank you, Your Majesty!"

Nangong Jingnu: "These few days of my... absence have frightened you all."

Everyone echoed some beautiful words, fell into silence again, and after a few breaths, Zhongshu Sheng Zuo Pushe broke the deadlock.

Lu Boyan: "Qizou Your Majesty, I impeach Taiwei Gong Yanghuai. There are three crimes: one crime is to stay in the forbidden palace at night without decree and no edict, and it is two crimes to privately mobilize the army to seal the capital. Guards, these are the three crimes. Taiwei Gong Yanghuai is suspected of treason, abused his power, disturbed the reality of the inner court in the capital, and punished for several crimes. The crime is true, and the crime can destroy the nine clans!"

Gong Yanghuai went out and knelt in front of the hall: "Your Majesty, there is a reason for what happened, and I hope Your Majesty will learn from you."

One of the two in the hall was the son of the former Taiwei's mansion, and the other was the current Taiwei. The military attache group was not good at standing in line and kept silent.Civilian groups are also holding a wait-and-see attitude. Although the Lu family is in decline, the foundation is still unshakable. The foundation of the Gongyang family is slightly weaker, but anyone with a discerning eye can see that Gongyanghuai is now a very popular figure in the court. Wonderful, let's see how His Majesty decides.

Nangong Jingnv was silent for a long time, she remembered every word Qi Yan said, and knew that Gong Yanghuai was under Qi Yan's order.

Nangong Jingnv raised her hand and pressed her chest, there was real pain coming from inside, but she didn't show the slightest bit on her face.

Nangong Jingnu: "This matter was ordered by me, and I can't elaborate on the reason. Lu Qing's family is loyal, but the charges of impeachment are not true. Gongyanghuai, get up."

Gongyanghuai: "Thank you, Your Majesty!"

Gong Yanghuai went back to the team, but his back was in a cold sweat... So it seems that His Majesty has no quarrel with Yuan Jun, and his head and the lives of the whole family have been saved.

Lu Boyan's complexion changed a few times, and before he could speak, he was interrupted by Zhongshu Ling Xing Jingfu: "Since Your Majesty Kang Taichen is waiting, you can rest assured, it's just that the capital city has been blocked for several days, and it's a small matter for your lords to delay your trip, but it's a big thing for the people in the capital to be unstable , Your Majesty, please make a decision early."

Nangong Jingnu: "I... I am very tired today, and we will discuss everything in court tomorrow. If there is no need, then retreat."

After going to court, Gong Yanghuai asked Nangong Jingnv how to arrange Ding Yi and his son. Nangong Jingnv said, "I know what they said, let them go back to the mansion first, and we can discuss it in the future."

Gong Yanghuai went over with oral instructions, and took the opportunity to beat up the father and son of the Ding family: "Master Ding, Mr. Qi Yuan is the emperor's husband, your majesty is no better than a man, and the emperor's husband is also the foundation of the country. You father and son...you should be cautious." Be good, there is no medicine for regret in this world."

Ding Yi's face turned red and white, and she took Ding Fengshan away.

Qi Yan returned to Chengchao Palace and entered the study room. There was not much left in "On the Ten Malpractices of the Old Politics". While confessing his identity, he also lost his goal and escape route. Qi Yan didn't know what to do. It's tough, so it's better to do what you can.

Nangong Jingnv returned to Ganquan Palace, ordered people to lock the palace gate, ordered no one to disturb her, went back to the bedroom alone, threw herself on the bed and cried silently.

After waking up, the sky collapsed and the ground collapsed, and the shocks came one after another. Nangong Jingnv no longer knew which one to face first.

Should he be saddened by the deaths of Qiu Ju, Chen Chuansi and Xia He, or should he be shocked that there is such a huge power of the former dynasty in Wei State?Or to face Qiyan...Agula's identity as a foreigner and a woman?

Nangong Jingnv didn't dare to face Qi Yan or Agula, she didn't know what to say, how to face her... her.

How can the person I have loved for many years be a woman?

She said that she was here for revenge, so many years of hard work... How much has she accomplished?Nangong Jingnv didn't dare to think deeply.

Just these two things... are unforgivable crimes.

To punish her?

Then she...there is only one dead end.

Nangong Jingnv completely sealed herself off, and did not hear the report from the palace maid: Princess Zhuohua entered the Oasis Palace holding the imperial token.

Seeing that there was no response from the hall, Nangong Shunv pushed the door open and walked in.

Fanxing: "Your Highness Zhuohua!"

Nangong Shunv: "You all step back, I will explain your majesty here, and I won't blame you."

Fanxing: "Yes...."